January 27, 2015
The sound of silent crickets chirping in the darkened theater space at UCB East.
I TOTALLY bombed last night.
It’s ok. It had to happen sometime. I mean, it has happened before…but to a lesser extent. This time, I actually garbled my words and broke from what I wanted to talk. I went up in my head, paying more attention to what the crowd thought of me than anything else.
My voice and energy level had returned a few days prior, and I was itching to get back on stage. Unfortunately, I didn’t prepare thoroughly, and it really hit me once I got up there.
First – not enough rehearsal. Because I’d had so much success with the pieces I’ve done, I took it for granted that it would be there again without me doing any work.
Totally distracted when I ran into the gal who ran the mic–we were brief acquaintences, and I was looking for her approval. When I smiled at her and she didn’t smile back, I was convinced that she despised me and was praying for my failure.
Inflated self-importance has never been a problem for me. No wonder I write such wonderful stories. Fantasy fantasy fantasy.
It’s none of my business what she thinks of me. Maybe she just ate a bad prune, or her boyfriend just broke up with her and started dating someone who looks kinda like me.
Whatever. So, am I going to focus on getting the approval of others or am I going to do it for the joy?
Second – neglected to do the victory dance/meditation in the bathroom. Embarassed to disclose that here, but it’s true. It really works.
Third – changed the game plan. I knew which bits I was going to do, but then thought it would be better to do something I’d never worked on. This is very different from responding to something another comic has talked about–piggybacking on them. This is more about me coming up with a story that I’d wanted to tell—so I was busy running through how I wanted it to go (in my head) instead of paying attention to the other comics (ok, half of my attention went to them, and I did genuinely laugh and clap big to be support).
There’s always a next time—rock!