January 13, 2016
Happy New Year! When is it officially too late to say that? No matter. I’ve been busy with the YouTube channel. Episode 7 went up on New Years Day, and last night I edited about 90% of Episode 8. Releasing the videos it into the world has been a mildly complicated matter. For the most part, the feedback is very positive, but it’s the couple of cutting comments that really stick in my mind. Not sure if I’ll do an entire episode on Critics….but I do have some fun footage from Jan 2nd when I hosting at Klimat and read two of the critical posts to the audience. The crowd was with me, and that was a nice affirmation.
New Years Day I went to the Grisley Pear’s 8pm show to support another comic – he talked to the people running the show and after a bit of back and forth, was able to get me up near the end of the show. Although I wasn’t mentally prepared to go up on stage (I was pretty content just watching). I’d been up late editing the night before and ended up sleeping most of the day, so my head really wasn’t in the right place, but thought it would be dumb not to say YES!
I got the go ahead and they said I could get 7 minutes later in the show, so I wrote out a set list (the act of writing out the list helps get it solid in my mind). Then I went into the bathroom to do a quick ‘victory pose.’ When I came out, he said “Where were you?” Apparently I’d lost my spot because the comic who’d been absent had finally shown up. For a few minutes, I thought was off, then they said I could have four minutes. All of this back and forth confusion regarding the yes/no definitely added to my anxiety. Then I was going to get the second to the last spot, but the comic hosting the next show wanted to get up before the last spot, so I got bumped to last. Not a problem, but I had the feeling that I’d better get up there, shoot out my 4 minutes and sit down.
As soon as I hit the stage, I took off WAY TOO FAST!!!! I was so consumed with being liked and not screwing up that I wasn’t myself.
That was the way I FELT. Afterwards we walked to the train and he told me I’d gone too fast and that I was much better than that, and how I should slow it down. It felt a little too abrasive, and it felt like a boundary had been crossed. It’s very vulnerable to get up there, and I could probably have done without that kind of critique.
A couple of days later I looked at the video. Even though I wasn’t connected to the audience, I still got a lot of laughs, but it’s that fear that I need to conquer.
The following day, I hosted two shows, and went up there with the sole intent of talking to the audience. I ended up doing a little material, but kept it to a minimum. I’m going to keep with that pattern for the remainder of this week.
I’m not sure what the lesson is—should I have said ‘no’? Should I always be prepared to do a set — with the same “Waiting in the wings” perspective I’ve heard actors espouse?
More later–thanks for being here!