August 12, 2015
In class three days ago, my teacher told me that I needed to smile more when I’m up at the microphone. Sounds easy, but it doesn’t feel too easy right now. Neither the victory dance in the bathroom nor listening to Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’ can touch the sinking feeling. Post-breakup from relationships with a boyfriend as well as with my mother. Two hits in two weeks. Completely separate incidents, but really bad timing.
Is there good timing?
Both breaks are for the best, but that doesn’t mean it feels good.
It’s really annoying to have feelings, to sit through them instead of covering them up – went to a mic two days ago, and hitting another one tonight. Just have fun, just do what you love, KK. Talking with friends has been helpful, watching episodes of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmitt has been good too.
I took a generous walk along the river at lunch, spoke with Danusia. She gave me some words of wisdom, encouraging me to try not to force myself out of the feeling. She suggested I peruse Letters to a Young Poet by Rilke — which actually is very soothing.
My teacher recommended sharing the feelings I’m having – when they come up while I’m on stage. Initially I thought this would be a mess –won’t I bum everyone out? With more thought, I’m deciding that I can go there – at least a little. I mean, it’s not necessary to drag a stinking whatever into the room with me, but I can say even the most ugh ugh ugh thing with a little wit, lilt and levity.